Okay, so as a lovely friend (Her Travel Romance) pointed out to me the other day, I actually have a LOT to blog about. But for now, that's not going to happen, I'm just going to get rid of what's been rattling around inside my head for a week or two now. More about directing Shakespeare and organising trips around the world later.
So I was at a party the other night, and got to spend some time with a friend who I haven't spent a good deal of time with recently. And, just personal development-wise, I had been kinda levelling out for a while. No input, no challenge. Not through any fault of my own, but you all know what I'm talking about. You just go for months on end without ever having a decent sit-down conversation with someone that goes any deeper than 'What have you done in the past week'?
So, as luck would have it, my friend, Lifehacker, is one of those people interested in what lies beneath the 'I worked this week' surface, and he said to me something I hope I never forget. In trying to phrase himself nicely, he was hemming and hawing, and I gave him full permission to be as harsh as he wanted, and I'm glad he did.
He told me this: Stop coping out.
Essentially that was all (he reiterated his point a few times, but that was what stuck with me), and first of all, I was so glad he told me, cause I needed it. Just thinking about the idea of coping out on yourself. Having the opportunity to be you, and not seizing it. That spoke volumes to me. After working so hard to find Me, I was still shutting myself up at points. Well no more, said I. And the next week was great. It was as if I was not afraid of anything
Then I started thinking. I'm not sure if it's all males or just me, but usually this signifies the beginning of the end. Thinking is not usually a good idea, though it's what I do. I'm pretty sure a large percentage of poeple have told me to stop thinking so much.
I've been thinking about where I 'cop out', and suddenly, a lot of insecurities began to rise. 'He doesn't know how hard it is', 'It hurts', 'I need it'. Why? Why do I feel ashamed of having copped out? What is hiding beneath the 'cop out' response? Why am I going backwards? This was a good thing for a week, now my mind is determined to percieve it as an attack.
I think I may know. I am meeting this coming week with Mrs in Wonderland, and I shall find out then, methinks. For those of you who know of her Jedi skills, you may be able to appreciate my excitement and slight hesitation at the idea of fixing my head. It shall be fun. Messy, painful and fun. Aren't all the beautiful things?
Jonathan
