The Top of One wave, the Bottom of Another?

So, I'm not used to sharing how I feel when things are good. Most of the time, it's "How are you?" "Fantastic!", but I guess this happiness owes things to others.

First up would have to be the Life Hacker himself. He shared with me some results about a study of people who lose weight, and (to cut a long story short), BASICALLY, when they reach their goals, they relax, and end up in a worse position. So they set new, lower goals, achieve, and relax, etc, etc. The point of his story was that, when you reach your goals (or the top of your sine wave), you need to reset your goals, and start as if you're at the bottom of another wave.

This gave me an idea. I was just heading upwards in my outlook of life. Coming up to the top of the sine wave, as it were, when I thought, screw it, lets go for gold. I already knew the reason I was feeling better was because I was spending more time with God, so I figured I'd spend more time with, and listen more to, God - which made me realise that I evalute my life on my intimacy with God. Mrs In Wonderland has a fantastic way of putting it. Your happy when your in line with your values. And my values are God (which I didn't know, but wasn't very surprised by).

So - Pushing in, pushing in, hearing more, praying more, spending more time with God... begins to feel like work. Begins to strain. Then 2 things happen at once.

A couple of nights ago, I have a conversation that begins in facestalking and arrives at Love. Whether either of us think there is a One for each person, etc, etc, etc, and we move onto not being able to love others without loving yourself. And I realise that, although I am not perfectly made, I am deliberately made. I might not like what I see in the mirror (mainly because, with a last name like Best, I expect 110%), but it's me, and I am made for a reason.

This was Revelation enough for a fair while, but the next day I was talking to both my mum and a close older friend about feeling burnt out in the pursuit of intimacy, and the summary of their replies came to the effect that: I don't need to strain to be 'Manly', or 'Godly'. I already am.

This one kinda rocked my socks off (if you see them, please send them back to me). For so long I was convinced I had just one more thing to learn. Just one more habit to break/develop to Be an Attractive Guy. Just one more moral stance to form an Opinion. Just one more level of righteousness to be a Mighty Man (if you haven't heard the term, check out 2 Samuel. Seriously - guys sold out to God, who ended up killing 500 people in 1 field, or out-wrestling 2 lions in the snow. INSPIRING!)

But I don't. I never have. People see me as someone who has it all together, and instead of scaring me, it's a truth I can be walking. I am good enough right here, right now, to do anything you ask of me, and if you don't like what happens, that is not my fault, that's your opinion.

I hate the fact this sounds like something I should have learnt somewhere around year 10, but for me, this is pretty huge. I guess the people reading this know me already, so I don't have to explain it further. I guess it's just allowing myself to not be perfect.

I cant believe how liberating this feels.


Pongo